Sweet Tooth - a fairytale

“Come on Gretel do keep up – they say the witch’s house is made of chocolate!”

Stock image from Unsplash @metelevan

Gretal wasn’t too fond of chocolate, it gave her spots and last time she was at the dentist she needed a filling. Strangely her brother had perfect teeth that never needed attention. And she knew for a fact that he never cleaned his teeth for the full two minutes recommended. It wasn’t fair.

Hansel galloped ahead on his long legs – another gross unfairness. He was slender and lithe while Gretel had been called “Dumpy” on more than one occasion. “Just puppy fat” her father said, trying to appease her as he offered her a peppermint candy from his pocket.

Peppermints were her downfall, still full of sugar and bad for her teeth though – mores the pity!

Eventually Hansel came to the clearing where the house should be. Where were the candy cane latticed windows, the liquorice door, dolly mixture bricks and slabs of chocolate for the roof?

Hansel harrumphed as he flopped down on the grass, limbs at all angles. Gretel caught up and took in her surroundings. She liked to think she was smarter than her brother and she spied it first. The witch’s house was mostly shades of green echoing the forest itself, like a magic eye puzzle where you need to really concentrate and maybe squint your eyes a bit.

Broccoli trees stood either side of the green apple door, while most of the house resembled a giant marrow. The window frames were made from carrot batons and the roof was thatched with lettuce leaves. In the garden the witch was doing jumping jacks in a green leotard.

“Visitors – how lovely!” she exclaimed, grabbing a towel hanging from a nearby branch and wiping sweat from her brow.

Hansel jumped to his feet and told his sister to run. He never looked back or showed any concern that she didn’t follow this time.

Maybe it was because she was slower, or perhaps because she was more observant that she saw the expression on the witch’s face, downcast and scared rather than scary.

All the children were warned that the witch ate children if she caught them. The trick was to touch the house without her catching you and steal some of the candy before you scarpered.

We all think we know the fairy stories.

“It’s not true,” said the witch mournfully, “the lies they tell. I’ve never eaten children, only sweets and chocolate which made me spotty and all my teeth fell out.”

Gretel was bemused, the witch had a perfect pair of gnashers and a gorgeous smile to go with it.

“I’ve been to Turkey for implants and had the house remodelled while I was away. I’ve turned over a new leaf, I only eat healthy vegetables now and my skin is glowing.”

Gretel edged closer and marvelled at the beautiful woman, no longer the ugly old crone they had been warned about but a vibrant and healthy role model.

The witch was more perfect than the latest Tiktok influencer because there were no filters.

“I want to be just like you.” Gretel was captivated.

She would miss her father and the peppermints, not so much her brother, but maybe one day she could inspire others and people wouldn’t call her dumpy any more.

It’s a happy fairytale ending.

Hansel told everyone the witch had eaten his sister and the chocolate house had melted, so no one bothered Gretel and the Green Witch in the forest.

When Gretel did go into town no one recognised her, she walked tall and bought sunflower seeds to grow in the garden and green tea.

And she never needed another filling ever again!