Cancer and Happy Endings
This week I had my annual check up with the oncologist. I’ve been cancer free for seven years now but every new scan brings on scanxiety. The hospital had just started a new online system; I’d had a sneaky peek at my scan results and was certain all was well this time around. However, when I found a nurse in with the consultant, a flicker of a dark thought crossed my mind. Perhaps I hadn’t interpreted the results properly after all and she was there for moral support.
Then again maybe it had something to do with the audio book I was listening to on the way.
What Does it Feel like? Is the last book published by Sophie Kinsella, she sadly died of brain cancer at the end of last year. A departure from her usual novels, it is semi-autobiographical, featuring as it’s protagonist, a successful novelist dealing with brain cancer. Oh, the ups and downs of life, from the highs of trying on a posh frock to wear on the red carpet to waking up in hospital with no recollection of why you are there and thinking Hugh Grant is Prime Minister!
Light touches of comedy run throughout as the story is brought to life with pitch perfect narration from Sally Phillips. Written in snippets, almost diary like, it is a novella rather than a full-length tale. I am in awe that Kinsella (real name Madeleine Wickham) found the strength and energy to write it while undergoing gruelling treatment and uncertainty.
Listening helped to pass the time in the stop, start, rush hour traffic, I have never known it take so long to get to the hospital. I didn’t mind a bit, although I was concerned I wasn’t going to make it to me appointment on time.
The story is compelling and as I’ve already said quite short. I managed to listen to the whole thing travelling there and back. I became immersed in the world of Eve Malone, successful author, mother of five, woman who had to learn to walk again with a Zimmer frame and told the new carer six or seven times why she didn’t really need a carer.
Eve Malone, who like Sophie Kinsella, is the queen of happy endings, knows this time, facing a terminal cancer diagnosis, things will be different. Each scan result may bring a new plot twist. Her bucket list includes finding good quality marmalade. In the end it is the simple things that bring so much pleasure.
I know many people whose lives are never touched by cancer. Maybe a book like this one is a good introduction to a world you haven’t experienced. The more we talk about these taboo subjects, like cancer, death, bereavement, the more we normalise it and fear dissipates.
But then there are families that seem riddled with cancer – me, my mum and my dad have all had it. My dad died from cancer in 2020. He had the same consultant as me, which is why Dr Srinivasan (Srini to his patients) keeps a special eye on me. I’m sure he treats his other patients with just as much care and compassion. A cancer diagnosis can be a bond between people.
It is a shared journey, finding out what really matters. Holding on tightly to every ounce of good news. Discovering a dark sense of humour to make light of the absurdity and agony of it all.
As for my appointment, we mostly talked about other inconsequential stuff, everything is fine, as I already knew. I walked out beaming, keyed my car details into the parking machine and realised I’d been on the hospital grounds for less than thirty minutes, qualifying for free parking.
It is a day of happy endings and that is something worth smiling about.